Red and White Ribbons

The events of last week are fresh like open wounds in our hearts. There are still children fighting for life from hospital beds. My community is grieving and broken, unsure of how to heal just yet. My own heart continues its ache, and I pray. A lot. Sleep is not a priority for many.

In the midst of this turmoil there are many different faces. Some attempt to bring laughter to the anguish. Some exude sympathy without a word. A few are angry and looking for anything to blame.

There are also the faces that belong to extraordinary, though quite ordinary, folks. These are the folks I would like to thank for stirring hope in my heart on this evening's drive.

Red and white ribbons adorn downtown, and every street into the city. The hearts, bows and initials "MP" are bold and beautiful. The city is blanketed in symbols of unity and support. Their message is clear:
Tragedy will not define us.
Pain will not drown us.
We lift each other up in love.
Hate has no purpose.
Hope is alive.

Bedtime Shenanigans

My sister "A" and I shared a room growing up. We had bunkbeds, me on the top bunk and A underneath. I don't remember if it happened that way because she wanted the bottom and I wanted the top, or if I demanded that I got to pick first because I was older...but I suppose that doesn't matter now. What does matter is how much fun we had at times! We made up a bedtime game, "Bird & Worm". One of us would lean over the edge of our bunk, wiggle our finger around like a worm and wait for the other one to try and catch it. Whoever was the "bird" could only use one hand to catch the other's finger, and if the "worm" could pull out of the bird-hand it didn't count. We had so many fun nights, staying awake late when we were supposed to be sleeping, trying not to make too much noise giggling. What fun to share a room with my sister! (Of course, you never would have heard those words when we were in the thick of growing up!)

E has just started her own version of our bedtime game. When we're lying all snuggly in bed, she starts waving her hand as if to say  goodbye. She waits for me to grab at it and giggles like crazy when I catch her! Sometimes she pulls away real quick and sometimes she lets me catch her hand in mine. When I do I squeeze it a little and tickle her palm, which makes her laugh even harder! It usually only takes a few rounds of this for her to settle down and nurse to sleep. Obviously content knowing she taught her mama a game.

A Melancholy Milestone

WARNING: POSSIBLE TMI ALERT!

If you are not yet a mother, male, or otherwise sensitive to..ahem, "womanly topics", continue reading at your own risk.
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It appears that "Aunt Flow" is making her return. Almost 14 months postpartum, not bad at all right? True, true. I should be so thankful it took this long. (Though it's a little hard when I just want to curl into a ball and sleep through the next five or so days of "after pain" like cramps.)

They say the first period after childbirth is a doozy. No matter how long it's been.
At least I have somewhat of an explanation for the recent drop in milk supply. Though I sure was hoping not to have to dig in to my stock of "paraphernalia" just yet!

The saddest thing for me right now is how this is yet another reminder of how quickly we're transitioning from caring for a baby to parenting a toddler, raising a child. Don't get me wrong, this is a fun stage! And I most likely have nothing to worry about in terms of E self-weaning anytime soon. (She still loves her milkies!) But time sure is flying all the same. I hope we can do it again, with another newborn baby, a sibling for E. I feel like I have so much more knowledge and confidence now, I would love to do it again. I would like to experience all the newborn ups and downs, the "firsts", the amazement of that first few weeks, months, year. I always pictured myself as a mother of plural kids, never an only.

If she is to be our only child, I want to keep her young as long as possible! ;-)